Treating people not as they are, but as we want them to be, is the most elegant yet destructive form of violence in modern human relationships. It rejects the reality of the person before us, complete with their flesh, bones, traumas, and chaos; instead, we dress them in the ideal template of our own minds. Philosophically, this is stripping "The Other" of their freedom and reducing them to an object, a mere extra in our own play. We do not hear the other person; we only listen to our own echo.

Psychologically, this behavior is rooted in fear and projection. Because facing reality and the flawed nature of humanity is exhausting, our minds develop a defense mechanism. We see our partner, child, or friend as a "savior" or "flawless template" to cover our own shortcomings. The immense anger we feel when our expectations are not met is actually directed not at them, but at the collapse of the illusion we built. Sociologically, society survives on this mechanism of expectation. People are treated not according to their potential or who they are, but according to the roles they are supposed to fulfill, such as "good citizen" or "docile employee". After a while, the individual internalizes this label assigned by society and transforms into that fiction.

However, there is another side to this coin: using this mechanism not selfishly, but for the good of the other person. As Goethe said, "If you treat an individual as they are, they will remain how they are. But if you treat them as if they were what they ought to be and could be, they will become what they ought to be and could be." This phenomenon, known as the Pygmalion Effect, can unleash potential hidden in the dark. Treating someone who has experienced trauma or lost their self-confidence by seeing the "strong" version within them is like throwing them a lifeline. That strong template you create in your mind becomes an inspiration they strive to reach.

Yet, even this well-intentioned expectation contains a hidden poison. When you constantly approach someone through a "perfect" or "immensely strong" template, that person becomes terrified of making mistakes; forced to hide their exhausted reality, they are dragged into Burnout and Impostor Syndrome. You, on the other hand, run the risk of turning them into a "healing project" (Savior Complex) for your own satisfaction. Ultimately, treating people based on their potential is like shining a light into a dark cave. If you hold the light as a guiding lantern, the other person will find the exit; but if you shine that light directly into their eyes like a blinding spotlight, you sever them from their own reality and paralyze them under the weight of expectation. The key is to remember to love the person they are, while showing them the person you believe they can be.