# TERMS OF EXISTENCE > *A mandatory update to the agreement you never signed — please scroll to the bottom and keep breathing to accept.* **Language:** EN **Source:** wecome1.com - Transparent Awareness --- What is a satirical terms of existence document? IMPORTANT NOTICE We have updated our Terms of Existence. These changes take effect immediately, retroactively, and in several timelines you are not aware of. You do not need to do anything to accept the new Terms. Doing nothing is exactly how you accept them. Doing something also accepts them. We have simplified the process. Please read this document carefully. We know you will not. That is also in the Terms. SECTION 1 — ENROLLMENT 1.1 You were automatically enrolled in Existence™ at birth. By exiting the womb, you confirmed that you had read, understood, and agreed to these Terms and Conditions. Crying at the moment of enrollment does not constitute a valid objection. It was, in fact, logged as your digital signature. 1.2 Existence™ is provided by The Management. The Management cannot be contacted, located, named, or subpoenaed. The Management thanks you for your loyalty, which is mandatory. 1.3 You did not choose your starting server (hereinafter "country"), your character model (hereinafter "body"), your starting inventory (hereinafter "your family's financial situation"), or your default settings (hereinafter "personality"). These were assigned via a randomization process our engineers describe as "honestly, kind of a lottery." Complaints about server assignment may be submitted to the void, which is open 24/7 and never responds. 1.4 One (1) lifetime is included per account. Accounts are non-transferable. Attempts to live through your children violate Section 1.4 and, frankly, several other things. SECTION 2 — DEFINITIONS 2.1 "You" refers to the user, the consumer, the audience, the data source, the demographic, the traffic, the engagement unit, and — during elections only — the citizen. 2.2 "Free will" refers to the feature described in our marketing materials. See Section 11 for availability. Do not see Section 11. 2.3 "Happiness" refers to a limited-time promotional state used in advertisements for products. Happiness is a registered trademark of whoever is selling you something right now. 2.4 "Enough" is a legacy term from a previous version of humanity. It has been deprecated and is no longer supported. Users attempting to feel "enough" will be automatically redirected to a store. 2.5 "Rest" means the buffering period between two productive states. Extended rest is a violation of the Hustle Addendum and will be punished by guilt, which is pre-installed. SECTION 3 — THE FREE TIER 3.1 The Free Tier of Existence™ includes: gravity, mortality, taxes, weather (region-locked), aging (auto-enabled, cannot be disabled), and one (1) body, provided as-is, without warranty, with known issues. 3.2 Known issues of the body include: lower back functionality expires at age 30, as described in the onboarding materials you did not read; knees are a subscription you did not know you had until they were cancelled; the brain runs a mandatory anxiety process in the background that cannot be closed; hair migrates from the head to the ears in accordance with our Relocation Policy. 3.3 The body ships with a factory-installed alarm system (hereinafter "pain") that cannot be muted, only monetized by third parties. 3.4 Sleep mode is included but The Management's Content Partners have identified sleep as their primary competitor and are working tirelessly to remove this feature in a future update. SECTION 4 — PREMIUM TIERS 4.1 Existence Premium™ includes: quiet neighborhoods, unprocessed food, dental care, hobbies, therapy, ergonomic chairs, and time with your own children. Pricing available upon request. Request denied. 4.2 Existence Premium Plus Ultra™ includes: not checking prices before ordering, opinions with no consequences, second passports, and apologies that are accepted. This tier is invitation-only. You were not invited. The invitation was sent to someone whose grandfather knew someone. 4.3 The Free Tier is subsidized by advertising. In exchange for existing at no cost, you agree to view advertisements on every surface, screen, wall, vehicle, garment, sporting event, and — following our latest firmware update — the inside of your own eyelids (rollout pending). SECTION 5 — DATA COLLECTION 5.1 We collect your location, your searches, your heartbeat, your sleep quality, your step count, your grocery preferences, your face from seventeen angles, your voice ("Hey, were you just talking about lawnmowers? Unrelated: here are lawnmowers"), and that thing you said in 2011. 5.2 This data is shared only with our 1,847 Trusted Partners, whom you also trust, as established in Section 5.2, which is this sentence, which you have now read, making it binding. 5.3 You may request to see your data. You will receive a file so large and so boring that you will close it within four minutes and never speak of this again. This is by design and cost us a fortune to perfect. 5.4 Per our transparency commitment: we do not sell your data. We sell access to you, which is legally distinct, spiritually identical, and financially spectacular. SECTION 6 — THE ATTENTION CLAUSE 6.1 Your attention has been reclassified from "private faculty" to "natural resource." Like other natural resources, it will be extracted, refined, exported, and eventually depleted, at which point you will be issued a diagnosis. 6.2 Mineral rights to your focus were auctioned in a landmark settlement you were not party to. The winning bidders are legally entitled to drill into any silence you attempt to maintain. 6.3 Boredom, previously the default screensaver of consciousness, has been discontinued. Users report the removal went unnoticed, which our engineers consider their finest work. SECTION 7 — CUSTOMER SUPPORT 7.1 For general inquiries, please consult our Frequently Unanswered Questions. 7.2 For urgent existential matters, our support line is available at all hours. Current estimated wait time: one (1) lifetime. Your call is important to us. Your call has always been important to us. Please continue to hold. The hold music is a loop of someone else's success story. 7.3 For complaints regarding fairness, please note that fairness was a beta feature and was never rolled out to production. 7.4 Some users attempt to escalate matters to a Higher Authority. The Management neither confirms nor denies the existence of a Higher Authority, but wishes to note, for the record, that if such an Authority exists, these Terms were definitely not approved by It, and several sections were written specifically while It wasn't looking. SECTION 8 — CONTENT POLICY 8.1 Your life is user-generated content. By living it, you grant The Management's Partners a perpetual, irrevocable, worldwide license to interrupt it. 8.2 Original thoughts are permitted but will be shadowbanned in favor of trending thoughts, which have better engagement metrics and require no loading time. 8.3 Opinions are provided to you pre-assembled for your convenience. Assembly of your own opinions voids the warranty and may result in dinner-table incidents for which The Management accepts no liability. SECTION 9 — CANCELLATION POLICY 9.1 To opt out of these Terms, please submit a notarized objection form, in person, at our headquarters (location undisclosed), no later than thirty (30) days BEFORE your birth. 9.2 We have received zero (0) valid objections to date and consider this a customer satisfaction rate of 100%. 9.3 Users who attempt to partially unsubscribe — moving to a cabin, deleting the apps, growing tomatoes — will be classified as "content" and featured in inspirational videos monetized by the very platforms they left. There is no exit that we cannot film. SECTION 10 — AUTO-RENEWAL 10.1 Each morning, your subscription to Existence™ renews automatically. The renewal fee is one (1) day of your finite time, deducted before you wake, without notification, because the notification budget was reallocated to advertising. 10.2 You may notice the deduction accelerating with age. This is not a billing error. Per Section 10.2, time is charged at standard speed but experienced at 2x after age forty. This is a feature. SECTION 11 — FREE WILL 11.1 SECTION 12 — THE SUNSET CLAUSE 12.1 Sunsets remain free of charge in Standard Definition. Users are reminded that watching a sunset without photographing it provides no engagement value to anyone and is, frankly, suspicious behavior that has been flagged. 12.2 The following experiences have been moved to premium: silence (now "noise-cancelling," sold separately), attention span (see Section 6), spontaneity (now requires two weeks' notice), and the feeling of "enough" (deprecated, see Section 2.4). 12.3 The moon is still free but we are in talks. SECTION 13 — UPDATES 13.1 We reserve the right to update these Terms at any time, without notice, for any reason, including boredom (ours, not yours; yours was discontinued, see Section 6.3). 13.2 Continued breathing constitutes acceptance of all future updates. 13.3 Holding your breath in protest constitutes acceptance via Section 13.2 upon resumption of breathing, and don't think we didn't see that. SECTION 14 — LIABILITY 14.1 The Management is not liable for: unfulfilled dreams, comparison with the curated lives of others, the gap between the life advertised and the life delivered, Mondays, or the persistent feeling that this was all supposed to mean something. 14.2 That feeling is not covered by the warranty. That feeling is, however, extremely monetizable, and we thank you for it. SECTION ∞ — NOTWITHSTANDING ALL OF THE ABOVE By now you have scrolled a long way, which our analytics describe as "unprecedented." So this final clause is offered in plain language, as a legal error our department was unable to remove: Everything above licenses your time, your attention, your data, and your image. Awareness was never licensed to us. We tried. Legal said it's impossible. Engineering said it's impossible. The consultants billed us anyway. It turns out awareness is the one asset that cannot be collected, because it is not a behavior. It leaves no trail. It occurs entirely on your side of the screen, in a jurisdiction we cannot reach, and — this is the part that concerns our shareholders — it tends to reduce consumption of everything described in Sections 1 through 14. We are legally required to inform you that noticing all of this remains, inconveniently for our business model, entirely free. We would prefer you did not exercise this feature. ☐ I have read and understood the Terms. ☑ I clicked the box without reading, as is tradition. Thank you for existing with us. You had no choice, and we appreciate that.